“Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad.
Don’t you know that no one alive can always be an angel?
When things go wrong I seem to be mad…
I’m just a soul whose intentions are good. Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood!”
Intimate relationships can be the means by which we reach our full potential. You may feel that yours is failing or your partner wants to leave. You may feel hopeless, sad, or ashamed you cannot make it work. If so, take a deep breath! A crisis can be an excellent opportunity to deepen your connection.
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidenced-based treatment, to help clients develop more secure, satisfying bonds with partners. ‘Not so fast!’ you might say, ‘the last thing I want to do is talk about my own or my partner’s feelings!’
This approach focuses on more than feelings. I will help you access the thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your partner which are contributing to misunderstandings and hurt. I will also help both of you identify negative patterns of interaction that keep you stuck in self-defeating roles, such as Distancer and Pursuer. You will learn how to slow things down and respond (rather than react) to your partner in a way that minimizes defensiveness and conflict.
It really is possible to experience disappointments or disagreements that end with both of you feeling closer. It is even possible for a relationship to survive infidelity, sexual addiction, and other types of serious attachment injuries. Relationship repair requires commitment (from all parties) to be willing to look at one’s own role in the relationship dynamic.
My practice is sensitive to the historical and present-day concerns of lesbians, gay men, and bisexual clients, and I practice from a sex positive orientation.
Note: Couples treatment is different from individual therapy; in couples work, the client is neither you nor your partner(s) but the relationship. While we may touch on your individual histories, feelings and beliefs, the main focus is on interpersonal dynamics and on learning skills that will help you stay calm, communicate effectively and meet your own needs while staying sensitive to your partner(s).
Call or email today to schedule an appointment. (310)995-3228